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say the words of Love...[you know what...]
dont beg her kp. Its not even worth it. you did your best by takin the first step an at least sayin hey an now if "shes too busy" cuz thats the excuse youre usin for her, then fuck it, shes too fuckin busy for you so dont beg her. dont beg her, dont email her again, dont bother. jus move on like you been doin so well lately an i will make damn sure that you dont fuckin beg her. you werent important enough the first time around why should it be any different now? so yah, dont sweat the thing an dont sweat her.
been not busy as of late jus got nothin to say. workin away as usual. makin with the lovin as usual. saw a couple of good movies lately including the harry potter flick. never been a fan but the wife is so i had to go although i did like it. picked up mr and mrs smith today, liked that too. also picked up madagascar cuz i obviously got all this free time. i watched madagascar with kp the other night. he loved it. i did too. beeen tired lately. think im catchin a cold which wouldnt be surprisin. the sudden cold an the sudden heat fucked me up. that would suck cuz if i did get sick, im not allowed to take medicine. fuck.
aite thas all for now. imma try to blog more often. i sorta miss it.
say the words of Love...[Bad things]
for every good thing that happens to me someone around me gets shat on. sucks dont it? i hate to be around my closest friends sometimes. it feels like cuz im so privilaged an i knoe i am, that my fortune is just theirs i stole. i kinda came to that idea a few days ago. i had the best time in korea which is sayin a lot cuz i fuckin hate korea. i also went to japan for the first time ever cuz i went to see Larc. Yeah i died an i loved every second of it. btw bein seen an stared at by a bunch of little fangirls? fun. i recommended it for the ego stroken. anyway came back a while ago i jus havent had time an shit to come on line an blog. im so bad at it. but anyway now i kinda had to. seems like any time i blog now a days is jus to report some bad news happenin.
a couple a days ago, a friend of mine, though not a close one, was arrested for murder. who he murder? his girlfriend. an i gotta say, im not overly shocked. this guy ive known, hes been with her for years. but hes always been an abusive fuck. not to say we ever liked it, or said it was okay for him to do it but it wasnt any of our business. i learned not to stay so quiet since chak hae. i thought she was bein smart when she finally broke up with him an left him for good. but only recently did he sucker her back into their relationship. then 2 nights ago, he beat her to death cuz of a stupid arguement they had. she didnt stand a chance either. shes like 5 feet nutthin, weighed like 100 pounds or less an he was like this monster in comparison. he just wailed on her until she jus stopped screamin. he got busted a couple of hours later. his mom called me to let me knoe. i tol her i wasnt shocked an she got all offended an shit. i was like whatever. she asked me an all my boys to come to the trial i uess for like support. none of us wanna go. we havent spoken to him for weeks at a time mostly cuz we got so tired of seein how he was with his girl. we knew the girl. especially KP. she an him were friends in high school, not close or nuttin but enough to say hi an stop an talk about little shit here an there. she liked all of us an all her friends loved her. she was the sweetest nicest cutest girl ever an while most korean girls at this age wanna be fuckin princesses an drive suped up cars with t heir dumbass boyfriends rockin designer bags an shit, she was real plain an simple. she jus wanted to be in love an be happy. she still had her natural hair color. she had no plastic surgery, she didnt really care for designer things. she spoke english an korean fluently an had 3 little brothers. no one in her family loved her mother then her halmunni an her parents were proud of her as the eldest for supportin her grades, stayin out of trouble an still havin a social life. but no one liked her boyfriend. we, as in me an my boys all thought it was weird our boy was goin out with some one like her. she was a lot different then any of the other girls he fucked with. when we met her, she smiled a lot. she smiled a lot through the years of her relationship with our boy. despite her hidin black eyes with layers of foundation an wearing long sleeves that she never yanked up cuz her arms were marked up, she smiled all the time. some where in her head an heart, she swore he would change. she swore he didnt mean what he did to her.
so 2 nites ago, all her swearin was done in vain cuz he beat her to death. i got all the gory details later on. i'll spare every one the bulk of it but it was in his place which made it even more obvious of what he did an there was massive damage to the back of her head an throat which means he either slammed her against a wall or a floor over an over again. neighbors heard her screamin for help. there were barely any defense wounds on her cuz i guess she thought hed stop. her lip was also broken. no blood except from that.
she was only 20 years old.
hes in jail an he confessed to doin it. he also confessed to beatin her a whole bunch of times before that. he swore he never cheated on her though. her mother is pressin as many charges as she can to keep him in jail for the rest of his life. hes got no one on his side cuz even we dropped him. i cant say anythin good about him cuz he wasnt a outstandin guy. we rolled together in high school but he was closer to Woo then me an my boys. he loved his car, he liked to smoke an he loved that girl he jus killed. so he says. since we did have a minute back in the day, i went to see him yesterday. i couldnt actually pay him a visit though. when i got there i jus kinda froze up an left again. i couldnt look at him. not after what he had done. is weird though, its not like she or him were real close to us, to my group of people. but she was close to others around me. like minni noona. noona was crushed. noona is a hard core chick so for her to break down an cry was some thin to see. noona was also pissed an shes gonna testify against him. she was one of noona's friends. noona feels guilty because she didnt do enough to save her. Woo doesnt knoe what to say or do since he was close to him. but he knoes hes not supportin him in anyway. he hasnt said much about the whole situation other then him not bein surprised.
i'll update when i can.
say the words of Love...[day trip]
i made the trip to cherry hill the other day. i had to go see KP cuz I missed him too much. Me an David went to cherry hill on monday to see KP. We took a train an met up with hyung an he took us over to his apartment. Him an his soon to be wifey had KP set up nicely in the guest room. KP looked healthy again, his hair was growin back thicker again. he looked good. i was glad to see him, me an david were. We hung out for a while, had somethin to eat an I was glad to see KP had his appetite back again. He ate like normal, laughed like normal it was good to see him like he was before.
He said he felt better too an wanted to stay in cherry hill for a while. Aries said it was fine for him to stay with them for as long as it took. KP still didnt wanna talk about what happened the nite he tried to kill himself. he jus sorta glossed over the issue an kept goin. i don't blame him for not wantin to talk about it yet. he said he was glad to see us too an said we should bring the rest of our boys next time. he asked about hye sung which i sorta glossed over considerin hyung an me havent spoken since that nite. i didnt tell him that an neither did david.
We left jersey before the last train. i promised him we'd go back sometime this week. hopefully i wont be lyin.
say the words of Love...[100 things]
cuz Im an arrogant sonofabitch
1. I'm 100% Korean
say the words of Love...[Jus an update]
I havent spoken to almost any of them in a minute. The only guy i ave talked with is david. I luv david forever. he came to me first, sayin that we weren't in high school an that there was no need for him to listen to hye sung. Yeah my hyung was pissed off at me. still is. David isn't. He said everyone else jus wasnt ready to talk to me yet. david said it took him a while because he felt really guilty. he said he never really felt so right about chak hae dyin an with kp so close he jus felt like he was fuckin up left and right. me pointin it out to everyone, sayin we were dismissin it like nothin was real hard for him. i felt bad. i tol him i was sorry. he said he was sorry. i asked if we were cool. he said we were fine. i was glad.
i got an email from kp. he's in jersey like i said an he said he was doin better. he liked livin with his hyung, it reminded him of better times. he said our hyung's girlfriend was also nice. in fact she didn't even care that kp was comin to live with them. she actually gave Aries the idea. she said shes like minni noona but a lot sweeter. he said he likes it there but he misses everyone. he asked if we could go see him soon. i said i would an im bringin minni noona with me. Kp also said he had a lot of time to think an jus get his shit together again an he said he's ready to let go of some personal demons. im happy for him.
as for me, im jus glad not all my boys ditched me.
say the words of Love...[update]
KP went back to Jersey. while it wasnt his choice, it was done as such. cuz i backed Aries more then Hye Sung an even had myself a nice fuckin fight with my life long boy, our own friendship is more then likely over.
think with my hyung had always been respect. while we rarely saw eye to eye over certain things he was still my boy. We known each other since we was kids an anytime i got in trouble he was usually rite there beside me. we were tight an now that shit is over. What sucks is that all my other boys jus may follow him cuz they always follow him. I can so easily be outcasted from all my boys like years an years of frienship suddenly dont mean dick. it fuckin pisses me off so much but I cant stand them fuckin goks rite now.
fuck man. within a week i almost lost another close friend an in turn, lost all my other boys. im gonna go get laid. i so fuckin need it.
say the words of Love...[survey to pass some time]
----------------DESCRIBE-----------------
-----------------YOU PREFER------------------
------------IN THE PAST MONTH DID:/:HAVE YOU--------------
-----------------DO YOU------------------
-----------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------
-----------------THE FUTURE------------------
-----------------NUMBER OF-----------------
----------------FAVORITES------------------
---------------IN THE LAST 24 HRS HAVE YOU------------------
---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN--------------
--------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------
so bit of an update. KPs out of the hospital. he went back home with hye sung but he hasnt really been the same. he hasnt said much an kinda acts like the whole thing never happened. i kinda wanna kick him in the throat an im not sure if thats the rite response to his near suicide. i also wanna fight with hye sung so bad because the fucker lives with him an doesnt realize what had been happenin to him. KPs almost my height give or take an inch or 2. so hes like 5'8 ish or sumthin like that. KP also eats like a fuckin glutton. hes been known to jus eat everythin in sight an at one point he had a tape worm. but health wise, he's always eaten a lot so hes always been fine. we found out that he only weighs about 100 pounds right now. meanin he hasnt been eatin for god knows how long. i also feel guilty because no one really noticed how bad hes been lookin lately. we've all been wrapped up in whatever the fuck we've been doin an not noticin how our boy is fuckin killing himself in front of us. i feel like a fuckin idiot for not noticing how hes been wasting away, how the scars on his arms that are suppost to be healed suddenly looked a little fresher or how his lips that are usually really full an thick are not chapped and cracked an sometimes bleeding. no one noticed how his fingernails have been breakin way past the normal point an they're all cracked an hes got hangnails. we didnt notice how his hair his fuckin pride an joy had been fallin out and he had stopped takin care of it some time ago. we're bad fuckin friends man. how come we grow up an seperate into doin our own thing did KP not make it along with the rest of us? Aries noticed all this almost right away an he yelled at Hye sung so bad. since he's our hyung, hye sung cant say shit but stand there an take it. Aries pretty much blames hye sung for everything an so do i. everyone else isnt sayin much about the situation they jus want kp to get better but not be involved. it pisses me off because these are my ride or die yet they're so willin to let KP jus DIE because they're too fuckin busy with their own bullshit. im a selfish fuck i'll be the first to admit it but for my boys i will an have dropped everythin to help them. they wont do shit because oh they're fathers and med students with finals or theyre workin or busy or tryin to get out of where they are or fuckin with some stupid bitch an i hate them all rite now. Aries an me, since we're on the same page were talkin about havin kp move back to jersey with him. Im for it. I think KP would do better away from Hye sung an maybe hed grow a mind of his fuckin own an feel better about himself. of course aries hasnt said anythin to KP about it yet. Is jus an idea for now cuz hyung still has to talk to his girlfriend about it. like i said itd be better. im so fuckin tired...
say the words of Love...[Blank]
so...yeah I knoe ive been gone foreva an a day but you know what, shit keeps happenin. its amazin how my life has always been pieced together perfectly. well as perfectly as it could possibly be in this day an age. i can defend myself pretty fuckin well, i got my momma who loves me, my wifey who loves me, mah boys who love me an a job i dun really need cuz of my momma. but you know for every good thing, theres a bunch of bad ones.
kp's been miserable for...oh couple years now. he hasnt really been the same for a while. he's always been a basketcase. so you know, i feel for him to extents till he pisses me off by whinin about shit he could so easily fix. i rough him up an tell him to quit bein a fuckin baby about shit an to fix it. tough love right? Seems to work most of the time. he'll stop cryin an get off his ass an goes do what needs to be done. he's been so fuckin pampered his whole life i can't stand Hye Sung for that shit sometimes. KP's given his shot at suicide i can't lie. As deperessed as he's been most of his life i can't really blame him. Most of the time tho, he'll call some body as he's doin it so they could come save him. or he'll start to do somethin an then stop an cover it up so it'll scar.
He made another attempt last nite. I was smokin on my stoop with Woo around one cuz Woo was about to go somewhere...I forgot where. Anyway, im finishin up an im bout to head out when the wife comes runnin downstairs, my cell phone in hand an he's like talk to hye sung, talk to hye sung! an hes all frantic an shit. Im like it cant be that important but then i see my wifey's not wearin shoes. so Im like what nigga, what you want that you callin my ass at one in the mornin? An he's like KPs in the hospital. Im like what for? an he's like he swallowed a crap load of pills. So i haul ass out of there, gettin a cab, callin the rest of my boys an we head over to the hospital.
he had his stomach pumped so he's alive. he's jus insanely fucked up. Everyone was given us shit about his information like his family an what not. we all got mad because Kp aint got no family, jus us. His bullshit mother is in korea, his dumb ass father is in California an those 2 wouldnt give a fuck about him anyway. besides kp is over the legal age so they couldn't stop us from seein him. hye sung felt that kp's former guardian should know so he called him an tol him the situation. the guy has gotten his life together after kp moved out on his own. hes gonna get married an shit an he lives in cherry hill jersey. for some reason i didnt think he'd rush from jersey to queens that night. is kinda rough you know. but he said he would. I didnt believe him an i dont think anyone did either.
we all waited till like early this morning. aries did come. he showed up an everything, scared an frantic an jus as confused as the rest of us. Aries didnt realize that kp had been severally depressed for so many years. most of us didnt either. doctor tol us he was several depressed an put him in the psych unit till kp came to an explain what happened.
i left the hospital with the wifey around eight this mornin an called out of work tellin the halmunni that it was a family emergancy this mornin an couldn't go. she understood an i slept till five. i woke up an went to the hospital again an aries an hye sung were there, arguin sayin it was someones fault. i said it made no fuckin difference. kp came too around seven when we were all there. he didn't wanna speak to anyone though, not even aries. doctors wanted to keep him there another night. he didn't fight. we went home.
now im sittin here wondering why kp decided to stop callin for help.
say the words of Love...[oooo]
Is new! Oh its new and shiet is sexy as hell. I love the layout. thnx yo. Oh an yeeeeeah fucker! I learned some..html an shiet. I fuckin rock. everyone love me.
yeah I know i been gone forever an a day but...now im back. i wanted a layout is why i havent done bloggin in forever. So lets start with som good fuckin news. Im goin to korea Sept. 24th for the LARC CONCERT. Cuz i, as a sad an almost pathetic like way bought my tickets the second they went on sale. oh yeah. an i forked over that cash too. fuck me that shit was expensive. but SO FUCKIN WORTH IT. Im seein Hyde live. LIVE BITCHES. Fuck im dyin for it to be september already.
Whatelse uh...yeah well things good wit the wifey <3 steady as always. boys are fine. So yeah...thas pretty much my major news. god fuckin christ i am a fanboi.
hey...nikki you ever comin back? Thas the longest fuckin hiatus ever.
guy wit the hair! yeaaaah i got tagged by the guy wit the hair. Thas awesome bro. good sayin hey.
jo! I better get a tag soon. im startin to get use to you bein around an shiet.
All rite with that Im out. had a long day at work an im tired. plus i ran out of stoges on my way home gotta buy some.
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...666
Yet another layout featuring Hyde, the one and only front man for L'arc en ciel. Image comes jacked from somewhere (sorry forgot you want credit let me know), lyrics from FAKE?'s New Skin, edited by Toki-sama using Photoshop 7. Brushes come from many of the sites listed here. Comments by Haloscan
...Only 1
B.K.A > Sunnie
...Work of Art
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> Toki
Wanna be added? Let me know, hook me up, I hook you up.
...Devotion
...Spoke no more
No One Heard [1]
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